I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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