I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
