Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
