He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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