hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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