ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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