Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
