Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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