I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
