Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
