so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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