Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
