pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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