I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize