ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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