I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
