Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
