When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
