Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
