Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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