I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
