When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
