somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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