I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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