know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize