I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You are a genius and a whore.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
