No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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