when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
