were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
