How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
