I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
