YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
