I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
