My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
