Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
