Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize