He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
