Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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