I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
