Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
