Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
