hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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