it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
