I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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