We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
