Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
