I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
