but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize