My friends, they love my intelligence
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
