even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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