So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
