I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
