One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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