I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize