the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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