The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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