I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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