So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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