My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
