That's when you crack a 10am beer
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
