Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
