I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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