I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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