We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
