I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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