he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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