It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
