it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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