sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
