I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
