You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
