The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
