Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
