your room smells of hookers.
And success
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
